Christmas in.. July?

Today is my last day with my baby....

Well, not really but it feels like it! My middle child (my only girl!) is starting preschool tomorrow.

I have such mixed emotions. One the one hand I'm stoked! More free time to myself, not having someone parrot me all day. I'd also be down a kid (or two actually) and could actually give rocket man some undivided attention (being the third and all..)

But on the other hand? She's my bud! We would hang out together. It was like being with a little mini me!! And she's funny-so funny! Kid cracks me up, man.

She also gives THE BEST hugs ever. She is always up for "huggy bears" as we call it (giggle).

Man I hope it's not traumatic for both of us.

I still remember when my first born started school. He was climbing the fence to get to me. Screaming! It was horrific. I went to the car crying and I was a mess all day. The last image I had of him was pure panic and confusion. It was baaaad.

So now I thought it would be easier, no? Second time around? I've been trying to prepare her, so she would know what to expect- but can they really understand at age 3?

I know in the long run it will be good for her (right?) and she'll make friends (please God!) and she'll come to love it. Or at the very least not hate it? (Or me for sending her?)

She's already been asking me things like :

"Will you be waiting for me on the bench?" (Knife in the heart)

and

"But where will I put my backpack?" (Sad! This is what she worries about I guess?)

"Will brother be with me?" (Ugh, I was hoping she wouldn't put two and two together)

Yikes! So basically I told her (although it felt like LIES!) :

"I will be there right after you're done!"

and

"Your teacher will tell you where to put it."

and last but not least (because he gives her courage)

"Brother will be there but in a different class, but you might see him around school!"(Holding my breath, wait for it...and- nothing! Whew! Totally dodged that bullet.)

Ugh, this part of parenting sucks man.

For a whole year while we would wait to pick up her brother she would ask "When can I go mama?" and pretty much I've dreaded it since we applied to get her in. I could feel my stomach drop but think "I still have x amount of time with her!" And now the countdown is up (barf).

I've fantasized of running off with her just the two of us into the sunset! But of course I can't do that...

Can I?

I saw a commercial once for the store Staples with a back to school shopping sale. It had the Christmas song "It's the most wonderful time of the year" playing in the background.

A father happily pushed his shopping car (full of school supplies) around, dancing up and down the aisles, happy as a clam, while his two school aged children dragged behind him with "woe is me", "my life is over!" looks on their faces, while he couldn't be happier!

AND-I totally get it! I feel that way where as my son is concerned. I love him no less but the kid is driving me nuts! He has waaay to much energy for one person. Seriously.

I'm sure having a new baby to take care of and the fact that my son wants to fight with his sister ALL.DAY.LONG. doesn't help either. I love him but he's gots' to go-back-to-school I say! (By the way-teachers are completely underpaid in my opinion)

And so that gives me hope with my daughter, that in time I will feel the same with her.

I'm sure it will be fine..

Right?!


(Just in case, after I drop her off, I'm totally coming home to rock myself in the fetal position!)