Blood, sweat and tears

Happy Mother's Day All!

This morning all the kiddos piled in the bed to wish me a "Happy Mother's Day" complete with cute cards and gifts. (Daddy done good)

My son's card from school said "Thank you mom for making me lunch you are the best mom in the world." Funny kid. Gotta love him for his low standards... I hope his teacher knows I DO feed the kid-check! (I mean there was that one time I got a note home for NOT giving him lunch but that was because the kid left it IN THE CAR but never bothered to say anything until lunch time that "he had no lunch". Nice one kid. For the record I got a not-a-very-nice note from the school office about how we need to feed them everyday....ya think?)

After our little lovefest of warm and fuzzy feelings/cuddles, I asked if I could take a picture of them, my littles. And then the crying started from my princess. She always cries. The crying? Is getting old...

Then rocket man started crying so we declared pictures-done.

I told my hubby that to the kids? Mother's Day lasted until all presents are opened. Then it is officially done and all bets are off.

I enjoyed the day (mostly). Mom's really don't get a day off but I can tell the kids tried very hard (when they were told through gritted teeth for the twentieth time that IT WAS MOTHER'S DAY!!!!) and the hubby did all that was humanly possible (even you're outnumbered by little humans) to help me relax.

Being a mom is hard. REALLY hard. Harder than I ever thought it would be. Sometimes, when I think about how HARD it is, it makes my brain hurt. But then I'm distracted by some "mom" duty to think about it too long, which is probably a good thing.

I LOVE my kids. I love them so much I want to EAT them. But then I couldn't enjoy them, plus it's cannibalistic-so I don't. I refrain from it daily. But they are cuddly, smell good (mostly), sweet, funny, wild, crazy, and well-they are my life.

Plus? They were a LOT of work to grow and sustain up to this point. Blood, sweat and TEARS baby! I'm sure as the years pass I won't be looking too hot because of how these kids have sucked the living heck out of me, but I do have to say having them was the best thing I've done with my life.

Wonder what my kid will put in his card next year? When he's realized by that point that if I don't feed he and his siblings-I could go to JAIL. So I kinda have to...???

** Now that I think of it, I wonder if the teacher "suggested" the lunch comment to give me credit when I DO feed him? Hmm....




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To Wean or Not to Wean.. that is the question

I am in the process of weaning rocket man. He is 15 months old. It's time.

The thing is - 15 months is usually my cut off time. The first two either weaned themselves, or I "led" them to wean.

Except this one. He is a different breed.

The kid LOVES it. Like, he is a booby addict. If he doesn't get his "fix" he starts tweaking out a bit.

The other day he started head butting me in my boob. Kept banging his head right up against it. And another time he tried to take A BITE of it through my shirt and bra. "Um...yeah."

For him-it's an "experience". It is like having a cold brewski, a way to relax and unwind.

Also-he hates milk. Cows milk. Once I started giving it to him, he looked at me like "You gotta be KIDDING me lady." I'm surprised he didn't just shake his fist at me and point at my chest instead.

I'm almost afraid to take it away from him. Like-will he get violent? Will I need someone to pull him off me? He is plenty aggressive as it is, WITH the booby-time in his life.

At first I was torn.."He's the last baby... he likes it so much.. it comforts him.. he needs me.."

But then I was like "Are you CRAZY? Freedom is right around the corner girlfriend!!!"

(And-the kid has got A LOT of teeth and lately it feels like he's chewing rather than sucking. I think he can sense the weaning process and I'm afraid he won't let go one day. He'll be the pit-bull of weaning and will lock his jaw up just to get his way.)

My hubby says "Cut him off", just like that. Easy for him to say. He doesn't stay home with the mafia king all day, chewing through HIS shirt to get to HIS nipple.

(A friend of a friend said once her son turned a year she told him "get off me" and that was that-Gotta love her.)

There is so much I want to do once I stop breastfeeding: Get my hair straightened (chemicals are toxic!) Get a Mammogram! (well- I don't want to, but need to), Be able to take Nyquil when I'm sick! Finally get rid of these boobies (I'm totally over it. They are getting in the way and make me feel Fat), burn these dang nursing bras! I HATE nursing bras. They are worn and sad and need to be put out of their misery! Maybe drop some of this baby weight! Get my energy back (soooooo tired all the time, although I'm sure that has something to do with having THREE kids).

I swear there's more to the list but at the moment I feel like I'll be breastfeeding him FOREVER, so at this point, stopping is right up there with say.. riding a unicorn one day.

Somehow I can see this going on for a L-o-n-g time....When he doesn't make the team at school, when he's had a rough day on finals, when he needs a little "pick me up".

I'm down to one feeding at night, but it might as well be five because we all know that is the sacred one. YOU DON"T MESS with the "night-time-right-before-bed-feeding". Tonight I tried it out and he just looked at me like "Hey. HEy. HEY. You better not be doing this to me NOW lady. I got molars coming in, I'm working day and night on learning how to climb, I took three really big craps today...."

Plus- I was so full tonight, that I needed him to relieve me. Unless that kid is sneaking into bed with me when I'm asleep for a "snacky snack" then I don't see how that is possible. I stopped one feeding at a time to avoid discomfort but today I felt like Pam Anderson (after enhancement/before reduction/back to enhancement.. you get my drift) and I woulda PAID the kid to nurse.

So I guess check back with me in a month or so--already got my hair appointment scheduled so I can't wimp out. I really, really need to get it done. My hair changes after every kid and this last time? Afro circus baby, with pubic hair-like texture. Yay for me!!!!

P.s. For the record? In my opinion---boys are a lot harder to wean then girls. My daughter was in and out, botta bing botta boom and she's done. The other two? They've got some like, "attachment" to it......I hope this doesn't mean they'll be "booby men".

P.p.s. I know many women who go on to breastfeed until their kids are 2, 3 or even 4. More power to you ladies! But me? I'm tired, my boobs are tired, thank you for the experience, I'm good-thanks, and I am D-O-N-E.


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Control Issues

So today I took ALL three kiddos to the doc. For the two boys it was physicals. For my baby girl it was to check on her cough she's had on and off for the last...ever?

We talked about discipline with my oldest. Apparently I had somewhat of a clue, but not completely. I was being too much of an..."iron fist" let's say. Or, "helicopter mom" which I personally was pretty darn proud of!

Once upon a time, a long time ago, I only had one baby. He was a late talker. He was shy, very shy. He was very clingy and only wanted me. When we went out or on playdates, he wanted nothing to do with others. He would constantly be the victim because well, he never spoke, never stood up for himself.

It was MY job to protect him. Maybe a bit too much. I was his mommy, his friend, his "everything". Isn't that what we SHOULD be?

Well, fast forward a few years...say 8? I am still THAT mom, but he is NOT that little boy anymore.

He talks ALL the time. Maybe TOO much? He gets in trouble at school for talking too much, playing with his friends when he should be listening to his teacher. Sigh...

But I guess I should be happy, right? Instead of getting on his case, "helicoptering" around him, hovering, constantly. I should let go of my "hold" on him. Let him experience the world a bit for himself.

Apparently I have "control" issues. Tell me something I didn't know why don't you...?

I guess I'm worried that once I give up the control, I may lose the reins and never get it back? Or-I'm just stuck in a rut and it's hard to change?

There are sooooo many issues with this and I guess I need to change my parenting approach a bit?

Apparently YELLING is not helpful. Nor is NAGGING.

But show me a mom who doesn't?

I guess nothing ever really does stay the same.

Did I mention: I HATE change.

(P.s This was a FUN (read:not) day. All the while of trying to have the doctor examine/discuss things with me (with 3 kids- I got confused a few times as to who the heck we were talking about ) rocket man was all over the place in my arms. I think at one point he was sitting on my head. Really, the kid should be called octoboy. I swear he has more arms/legs than any baby should...)


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"Oh.....I W-O-R-K"

So recently (yesterday) I asked several "friends" for activities for my very active (read- aggressive) almost 15 month old on facebook of all places. I know, I know...I'm on there way too much lately. Boredom I guess.

I got several responses. One of which included "Since you don't work, you can do a, b, or c".

You could hear a pin drop in that cyber world.

"Um..yeah."

What I did want to say was "Hey girlfriend. I DO WORK. Every dang day, even when I'm off, in fact, there is no OFF time for me. I don't get paid, I rarely feel like I've completed a 'job' and I don't get to eat or pee in peace."

And, I know for a fact that she herself has never been a stay at home mom because we stay at home moms stick together and would never NEVER say such a thing.

We KNOW what we go through every day. (Shudder)

Also, I know that when she would be on "vacation" (paid- can you imagine?) and after just a few days, she would complain how she couldn't WAIT to go back to work. Huh, one can only dream....

(And I totally know that thanks to facebook and all her posts! It does have it's pros)

SO, that being said, I was "offended" lets say (that's code for 'pissed'). I can't quite shake what she said. She thinks my life is all bon bons and soap operas all day (I actually prefer godiva truffles when I can afford them, and soap operas bore me. I'd much rather watch Mob Wives).

I know she doesn't envy me-she's said before that she could never stay home. And you know what? I know many many mamas who would never ever want to stay at home, who much prefer to work outside the home for sanity's sake. And- I so GET that.

But-really? Why the need to "judge" me as if my job is all roses (it's so not!).

Do I judge her for working? NO! Totally envious of her most days. Ahh, to eat and pee in peace? To NOT have a toddler scream at you for the fifteenth time that day? To be able to converse with only adults? Who you don't have to wipe their asses or get peed on by them?

SIGN.ME.UP.

Although...it has crossed my mind that maybe, just maybe, she meant nothing at all by it?

And then I feel like a paranoid crazy lunatic who maybe could use a nap.


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WILD man

So in recent events (when I've actually had time to look up and notice), rocket man is...umm...enthusiastic let's say?

At first it was one thing at a time.

"Oh look! He's screaming! He's learning his voice!" (Looking back, he came out screaming. Not crying. S-c-r-e-a-m-i-n-g.

"Uh uh, we DON'T hit!!!" (He must have been frustrated!)

"We DON'T BITE!" (Poor guy must be hungry?)

"We DON'T THROW toys at our sister's head!!!! (What a strong arm!)

Then we kind of saw a "trend", and here we are.

To put it kindly, he is VERY different from his sister and brother. In ALL forms possible.

Looking back, THEY were much more quiet....and mellow. If I was comparing them to colors they were pastels- blues/greens, maybe some yellows and pinks? Rocket man- red and black with shooting neons all zig zag crazy-like.

Good grief.

But, he is very very cute. The kid can work it when he knows he's in trouble.
He can flash you a grin like his life depended on it.

Did I mention he has dimples? Dimple(s)- plural. Gets me every time.

His head has all these wonderful curls I can't bear to cut off yet. Sooo adorable!

He laughs with his whole chubby-body goodness. Like a "kid" laugh. Not a baby one. A KID one.

When he needs a hug he will walk up to you and lean his head on your chest. (Swoon!)

He makes you feel like you are the only one that matters in the world.

But.

When he is angry with you, you can't miss it, hence the screaming in his baby jibber jabber words. And waving his arms around. Like how you see the monkeys at the zoo-fighting, beating on their chests? Yup. That about sums it up.

Kid comes at you like a bulldozer. He WILL be heard.

He also turns to look at you when you're talking smack about him, did it even as a baby....."ooooooh, hey sweetie!" (Guilty)

Also-

He LOVES his trucks. He can spend a good 20 min just driving them back and forth, watching how they work. Kid is fascinated with them, never tires of it.

(DO NOT mess with the kids' trucks. Well, unless you want to unleash "the wrath" ..which his sister always seems to forget about.)

He LOVES to go to the store, for the most part. Until he's not happy, then it's time to BOOK IT and get the heck outta dodge.

The kid is HOT and COLD man.

Every day is an "adventure". A tiring one filled with highs and lows, and lots of kisses and um, screaming. My hubby said we should call him that. "The screamer." Out of earshot, of course.

Now I'm not suggesting that we are AT all "afraid" of the baby per se..

But-

I do know for sure that I'm glad he was last and not first. I understand as a seasoned mom-gotta keep me on my toes and on high alert I guess?

I just can't help thinking that there just might not have been a #2 and #3, just sayin'...

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NOT happening

I can't believe it. My baby girl is 4 today!

4! That's one year away from 5-official kid-dom.

I have mixed emotions, but mostly sad. She's growing up waaaaaay too fast!
Everything is "I do it! I want to do it MYSELF!"

Last night at dinner, she didn't want to hold my hand as we walked back to the table from the bathroom. Instead, she wanted to hold her "auntie's hand".

Already I'm pushed on the side. One day we will fight and she will scream at me that she "hates me". I just know it.

Lately I've been saying "Are you getting bigger? Are you growing when you're sleeping, when I'm not looking? You're not going to leave mama, right?"

(Poor kid- the pressure I know)

To which she replies "It's 'ok' to get bigger mama", while she pats me on the shoulder to console me.

SOB!!!

And you know what? She's totally right. It IS ok to get bigger.. I just kind of wanted her to stay small for ME. Such a smart girl I tell you...


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Funny and sad....

This morning and I was getting the kids off to school (such a blessing after a LOOOOOOOOOOOONG spring break-seriously- a break for who??) I was in a rush and on the verge of a panic attack.

My daughter was on the potty while I tried to hurry her along. She had her hand up her shirt, and was giggling. When I looked at her weird she said "When I touch my nene's (boobies) it tickles!!!"

I told her to stop, and hurry up and go potty.

Then she did it again. "We may have a problem..." I thought to myself.

Lately she is so obsessed with...parts.

Then she asked me "Boys have pee pees, and girls have flowers. Right mama?! Right??!" I swear lately she asks this of me once a day. Almost like "Just so we're C-L-E-A-R.....Boys have __________ and ..."

(I could just imagine the things she was sharing at school, or starting to notice for that matter in a house filled with 3 boys)

I'm gonna handle that issue as a parent with "Ignorance is bliss".

Just sayin'.

as for SAD things, while watching the movie "Up" my oldest son asked me "why do some people not have babies and some people have babies but don't WANT them?"

Whoa-deep.

So I thought a moment and told him the truth:

"The people that can't, their bodies won't let them and for the ones that have them and don't want them? They give them away."

"But w-h-y don't they want them?" as if he could not quite understand how this was possible.

Ok, a bit harsh but true right? I thought a bit harder about how to explain to him how the world works, unplanned/complicated pregnancies/situations and settled for:

"But", I told him, "we were lucky to have THREE babies! And? Those people that give those babies away, sometimes they don't have the money to take care of them, or they don't have help. So then the people that can't have babies adopt those babies."

"That's so sad" he said. I agreed. Very sad, very complicated, very hard indeed.

He still had a dark cloud over his face like as was taking it all in.

Oy vey! I think I did pretty good on my feet- truthful but not brutal. Not too botched up, right?!

(Note to self-always be prepared for IMPORTANT big kid questions, you never know when they will be sprung on you)

As for rocket man, he is screaming in his crib (as I type this) after trying to hit his brother AND sister, being a crabby crabcakes, and desperately needing a nap. He is talking constantly in his jibber jabberish way and I can just imagine the things THAT kid is saying to me...

Another day in mommy-dom I guess.



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Funny kid sayings

So around our house I like to play a game called "Where did all these kids come from??"

They all respond "From your tummy!!!"

I say "Are you sure???!" They all yell "YES!!!!" at the top of their lungs. Such a fun game...

(And-really? I got kids coming out of my ears and it's all kind of a blur..
I joke they are like Gremlins. We had one, he must have eaten something and gotten wet at midnight, and then BAM! "he" became "they".

Once I said "Are you sure I didn't buy you all at the store??"

They all said "NO Mama!!" And then my sweet boy said, "Mama- they don't sell K-I-D-S at the store! That's crazy!!" He said it while looking at me like "Woman-what are you thinking??!"

Every so often this game leads to questions. "But HOW mama? HOW does the baby come out?" my oldest will ask. In fact, with my last pregnancy, he was obsessed with this topic.

To which I would respond "It just does. Go brush your teeth."

(Such a chicken I know, but I'm not quite ready for that story anytime soon)

And so this morning we started discussing who was born first, who was the biggest, smallest, middle, etc.

I told my daughter she didn't want to come out when it was her time (true story-which I will totally make her feel bad about once she's a bit older-it was by far the worst delivery. By FAR.

(Shudder)

So anyhoo she responds in typical "her" fashion "I was looking at your bones!"

Funny kid....

FYI-It definitely felt like she was trying to grab ahold of a few on her way out.
(Shudder)

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Simplicity

Ok, I gotta be honest. My kindness project has taken a back seat to life.

Right now I'm working on simplicity.

As it's been pointed out to me, I am a bit of a perfectionist and well, if it can't be "perfect", then it's pointless.

That was my "then" attitude and now, I'm too tired to do any of that!

This morning as I was getting my son and daughter ready for school, I looked at my daughter's nails and they were so dirty and long.

(I swear I just cut them. I try to do all the kids around the same time so as not to spend my whole life cutting little fingernails like Groundhog Day)

"Your nails are so dirty!" I said more to myself than her.

"It's ok mama- it's only DIRT!"

Ahh, to be a kid again...

And you know what? She was absolutely right!


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Day 2 sucks the big one

HA! I knew it.

I lasted a whole day.

I remember why I trip up.

It's called LIFE people.

Triggers.

A comment made, feelings hurt, rushing around, crying. Lots and LOTS of crying.

All of it.

Yesterday was all "Kum ba yah".

Today-not so much.

Kids wake up too early, on the wrong side of the bed, or just --themselves. (Just kidding)

Sigh.. I guess this is where the big girl panties come in? Time for me to pull them up?

Easy days are well... easy.

The harder ones build character, puts some "hairs on your chest" like my grandpa used to say. (Which is awesome except even I knew at 7 that girls didn't need or WANT hairs on their chest.)

I personally just want to get through it..with some (newfound) grace.

Pray for me!

Day 1

Yesterday-awesome!

Last night-awesome!

There were some bullets/disasters coming my way but I was able to avoid them or buffer them out. Yay for me!

There were rainbows, and sunshine and glittery fairy dust everywhere! And lots of JOY JOY JOY!

Ha-I can SO do this every day..right?

Yeah well read day 2.




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The Kindness project

I can't decide whether this will be part of my blog, or a new blog but at the moment I can't get all caught up with that. OCD will take over and then I will have missed the point in first place.

A New Year! Usually I hate change but this year I have a good feeling about it. I feel like it will be a year with revelations and also great change, and much MUCH joy. Well, either that or I'm gonna die and deep down my body knows "This is your last chance at the rodeo- don't blow it kid..." I'm really hoping that's not it tho...major bummer to say the least.

And so, in a really bad fight with a loved one, it has been brought up that lately I am well... cruel. And to quote "have gotten crueler with time". Ouch! After much thought, preceded by deep resentment and mentally making a note to NEVER speak to this person again! I realized... they were right.

Somehow with a new baby to the mix, plus all the stresses of life, tack on guilt of not being able to do more, letting people down, blah blah blah.. it all was killing me. Like, I was drowning. I've known this for awhile and I would try to thrive on the stress like I did in my youth, but it was getting to me man!

And so I've resolved to take it easy. Not just with my time, but with my heart and mind. Ok soul too.. (felt wrong NOT to throw that in too!)

I'm gonna give myself a break. But not in the "poor me and my awful life!!" (all victim like) but more just getting back to being joyful and .. happy? Not even happy. How about kind? Even when I am not shown kindness back. Even when I am in a crap mood, tired, and have no idea what to make or have for dinner. When the baby is crying, the other two are fighting. When I am angry, stressed, tired or even sick/in pain. 

Because really? Is it WORTH getting it all done if at the end of the day  you've hurt those around you and you hate yourself because of it? Yeah, I'm thinking not. Or, I know not.

I feel like right now this little light of mine, this gem I got going for me is dim now. I don't want it to blow out. I don't want to forget this feeling I've got. 

So- I will hold myself accountable to it. Every day, a way to be.. kinder. I'm sure, actually I'm positive, this is how Jesus wants us to be. To love one another, even if you cannot STAND the person. I will try, I really will, adn give it my best shot every day.

I'm sure it will show up around me. Like a flower that blooms. It will show up on my kids, my spouse, friends, and myself. I can go to bed not feeling like the grinch or smeegle from "Lord of the rings" (Sorry-just saw "The Hobbit" in the theaters). Poor guy was so...confused and having such inner conflicts within himself! I sooooo get it buddy!

Now, I'm sure I will slip up. Just writing this I almost freaked out as my sweet girl asked me questions and INTERRUPTED my thoughts. The irony I tell you...

The biggest struggle I think will be with the kids. They are such... willful creatures I tell you. They try my patience all day, every day. And usually I tend to lead with...an ironfist lets say...

THAT will be a struggle.

Two steps forward, NINE steps back

So somehow, this year I knew I had to get my "game face" ready for the holidays and decided the only way I'd get out with my sanity was to be ahead somehow.

Smart, right?

Yes- except it was like putting my brain on freeze instead of pause.

I have learned that just because you start things early doesn't mean that time STOPS completely. Huh.

For example:

I sent in the form early for school fundraisers. (High five people!)

Then I forgot to actually PAY for the ones I said I'd buy. (oops!)

I remembered this a WEEK later when I started to get irritated why they were not passed out yet. "Hello?? Who's in charge here?! I WANT MY M-O-N-E-Y back!!" Oh wait....

Yeah. Classy, right?

Also, I took our family Christmas photo early this year. (Thank you, thank you very much)

I even bought my stamps ahead of time, so I wouldn't have to go to the pesky post office. (Had to take a minute to remember what that place was called.. you know- the one you take packages to and mail um off to people you love?

(Maybe i've got bigger things to worry about...good grief)

Then, I forgot to ORDER the nice cards I spent waaaaaaay too much time picking out, PICK them up, and LABEL them..to actually get to their recipients. (Crap)

Sigh.

There was another thing I forgot that was major.. but I can't remember that right now....

Let's hope it was resolved.

(Whatever it was..)

This year, 3 really does feel like 8. Or 15 if I'm being honest.

Let's not even mention how I almost forgot that "rocket man" needed a stocking...or gifts for that matter.

In my defense it is his FIRST Christmas this year so it was a "new" thing to remember... Awful, I know.

(Luckily he's only 10 months so had I forgotten, we could have thrown some wrapping paper his way to play with. (Best.Present.Ever!!!)

However, next year I don't think that would fly...

(Note to self: From here on out--buy for 3 instead of 2 kids. Check!)

I hope that you all are not as frazzled as I am this year.

After all..Jesus is the Reason for the Season!

Merry Christmas everyone!!

(And thank goodness it's almost over....will do better next year I promise!)


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Try a little tenderness.....

So in the last couple of days, my daughter has been having problems with a boy in her class.

It seems he's being "mean" to her.

At first it was ripping a toy away from her, which she ripped back (good girl!) but then I got a note that she was to use her "words" instead of her "hands".

Oops.

But, um- did HE get the same memo???

Today, the SAME boy, pushed her down the slide, which made her cry.

Oh no. No. NO.

Not on my watch buddy.

Now if I didn't hunt that child down with my BIG MAMA BEAR HANDS...

So help me.

"Supposedly" (and by this I mean allegedly) the teacher pulled him aside and made him apologize.

I know the RIGHT thing is to teach my kids to be kind, and to show kindness to others, even when others are "unkind" to them.

I know two wrongs don't make a right, turn the other cheek, give them the benefit of the doubt, make love not war, blah, blah, blah...

How about "You don't hit me, and then YOU don't get hurt?"

Just kidding.

I think I struggle with it as a parent, because I also struggle with this as an adult.

I find the world to be a cruel(er), mean(er) place than it used to be.

Come on--is it just me?

It's getting harder and harder to find those "friendly faces" amongst the hissing ones in the crowd.

When did the world get filled with such ...haters?

Did the world change, or did I change?

I once read a sentiment that said "You should show kindness to the ones that need it the most" (or something along those lines).

Great in theory. Veeeeeeerrrrrrry hard in real life.

I guess it's all about balance. About teaching our kids (and ourselves) how we "should behave" vs. how we "want to behave" (aka- 'let er rip!) in dealing with bullies, or mean people in general.

(Isn't there a bumper sticker out there that states "mean people suck"? And if there isn't, there really should be)

I want my kids to be kind, but I also don't want them to be doormats for bullies.

Because bullies come in all shapes/sizes, and in all stages in life.

Unfortunately, they never seem to go out of style (major bummer).

This..is very hard. Especially when your own sweet baby is involved.

I myself was raised to always "be nice".

I wish I was taught to stand up for myself more.

But- to this day, it's my knee-jerk reaction to "be nice".

I can't help feeling like a schmuck sometimes, when someone takes my kindness for weakness.

Ultimately, I know what is right, and that I should try to instill the value of kindness in my children. Tricky stuff.

The GOOD news in all this?

My baby girl-

When she's had enough--the poor tormentor in her path will definitely know it.

(And Lord help that child if he doesn't get it together between now and then!)


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Note home...

And so it finally happened.

I knew it was just a matter of time.

My daughter got a note home from school.

Really? The kid is three. Well, three and a half..

It said that she was having trouble lately "Focusing and following directions.."

Which really meant : "FIX.IT."

Part of me felt as if I was the one that was in trouble.

Another part of me was just irked.

She is only a baby after all.

How much CAN a three (and a half!) year old focus?

But, I knew better.

She can focus-but rather it's IF- she so chooses...

In fact, she's probably more focused than most adults I know.

But, the girl is well...t-o-u-g-h.

Picture...biker chic princess.

Know what I mean?

She can keep up with the boys, but also very girlie.

Kinda like Fiona from "Shrek".

She is sweet, oh so sweet, and often emotional... But boy oh boy don't get her mad!

It was pretty much agreed upon from when she was a baby, that you probably didn't want to turn your back on that one....

Get my drift?

And so, for the moment, I'll just be glad the note didn't say other things..

We'll just cross that bridge when we get there.

But juuuust in case, I better practice my "surprised" face.

:)
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Growth spurt!

Rocket man is growing so fast I can hardly believe it.

I swear he was only born a few months ago right? (At least that's what my tummy says-not a pretty sight)

(FYI...he's eight months old. But I'm pretty sure I can get away with telling people I "J-U-S-T had a baby")

Anyway, back to the growth spurt.

I can tell when he's going through one when he starts waking up to eat when he previously would sleep thru the night.

(Imagine how much this excites me)

But what is worrisome is that he has been waking up to PRACTICE crawling.

Yes.

Apparently he feels he doesn't get enough time in the day to perfect his craft, therefore- why not do it when everyone's asleep?

"And since I'm up-how bout some milk with that, ma? You're like, just lying there, not doing anything..." say his eyes through the crib bars.

Did I mention he eats like a linebacker? He is a solid, hefty boy. And I absolutely L-O-V-E chubby babies but it's getting difficult to carry this one these days..kid is like a sack of potatoes.

It is SCARY how much he can put away. He gets veeeeeeery upset when I back away with the baby food jar, but I just can't believe he can EAT that much!

What really freaked me out was the other night during a feeding (after a rigourous practice of trying to figure out the mechanics of crawling). He CHUG CHUG CHUGGED down the milk like he was in a frat house drinking from a keg.

When he was done he practically slapped my boob out of the way, like "NEXT! KEEP UM COMING!!!!!!!!" as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

He looked me dead in the eye.

MORE.MILK.WOMAN.

Shudder.

All I know is-

I'm.scared.

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Snow White and the Munchkins

Last night I had the worst migraine.

WORST.

It felt like a Mac truck had run over a cantaloupe (my head) crushed it, and it was sitting there wedged under the tire.

So thankfully my hubby was home to take care of the kids= priceless.

I tried to rest in the bedroom with no luck, so I came out to eat in the living room to be part of the family.

I was so sick I couldn't even sit up at the table. I just kind of propped myself up on the couch and ate when I could stomach it.

It was a 'make me feel barfy' kind of migraine. (My personal fave!)

So anyway, at one point I guess the kids were worried about me because I was so quiet and lifeless.

My sweet son came to gently pat my hair.

My daughter brought over a stuffed animal for me to cuddle (it always makes HER feel better so that's her 'get better' remedy for everyone).

It was all very 'Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs' except there were 3 dwarfs, not 7, and well they're kids, not dwarfs, but kids are kinda dwarf-like come to think of it, and one of them was screaming his little head off as babies tend to do-let's call THAT one 'Grumpy'.

It was so ethereal and serene, with them standing over me, all sweet and loving and well-still. (Minus the screaming in the background thanks to good ol' 'Grumpy'!)

Our home is rarely serene. Full of love, yes. Serene-maybe three times, tops?

I felt so at peace.

Then I thought, "Oh Lord, please let this not be a stroke! Am I dying? Is this my last breath?!" (I tend to be dramatic, I'm told)

It just felt too good to be true, that one peaceful moment.

-------TODAY-----------------

I guess I lived! No Stroke.

And life is back to its crazy LOUD self.

(Sigh) It sure was nice while it lasted. (Except for the searing, rip-my-head-open pain, mind you)

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The end of an era

So today we cleaned out the living room/playroom, free of small chokeable items.

Yes, it's that time...

Rocket man will be crawling any day now.

I'm not ready for it- AT ALL.

I forgot how exhausting that stage is.

I'm guessing I'll be tired (well, more than the norm) for the next year, year and a half-tops, right?

But that's not the sad part.

The sad part was putting things away for my baby girl to play with in her room. Like a "BIG GIRL".

I don't know why I'm so sad.

It just feels like the end of an era. Of her being a baby... and moving on to-
LEAVING ME!!!!!!

I know, that's silly, right?

But she IS 3 1/2!

I know I was just as sad when it happened to my eldest boy, when he moved his toys into his room when she was starting to crawl.

But this time it feels so different. Did I mention she's my ONLY girl??

It makes me sad. And filled with dread.

Next will be boys, wild music, driving and staying out late. And hating me, just because I'm her mother.

Don't all teenage girls fight with their mothers??

I suppose I'm looking too far down the road a bit. (I tend to overprepare)

Makes me (almost) want another child..if only for another little girl.

I know.

Now THAT'S some crazy talkin'....

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Busy busy busy

Lately, there doesn't seem to be any time to do well...

Anything.

I've realized that having three at three different stages in life is..

difficult to say the least.

It's kinda like reading a book, cooking dinner,

folding clothes, doing jumping jacks,

all while balancing on a ladder.

Man, I'm exhausted...

I'm sure most-if not all mothers, can relate!

Babies/children seem to occupy all my brain space lately.

I had a funny story or two (!) the other day but they've seem to have vanished.

That happens a lot lately..

And my sense of humor!

I used to have a great sense of humor.

That seems to have run off with my memory...

(Big Sigh)

Maybe they'll be back one day?

To my loyal follower(s):

A post! (wink, wink)

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The BIG Day ...

So the BIG day came and went. And, it was awful (as was expected) but not awful like I thought it would be (it never is folks).

I couldn't sleep. It had been months.

Months! I knew it was just waiting for me. There was no way around it.

I felt it in my gut.

It was making me ill.

I was having nightmares.

I was tired of being afraid. Or rather, afraid for her. I couldn't take it anymore.

I just had to go through it. There was no getting around it.

It's been that shadow lingering over me. One day soon, my heart would be ripped out and thrown to the ground.

That's right people. We're talking about the first day of school....

Finally, I just wanted to get it over with. My nerves were shot and frankly, going that long with preschool nightmares, I was on the edge.

I just wanted to "rip the band aid off" so to speak.

And so the BIG day came.

She woke up bright and early, with a sweet smile on her face. She always wakes up like this.

One of my names for her is "sunshine".

We had breakfast. My son was not so thrilled that summer was indeed over but my baby girl was all smiles at starting this thing called "school".

I tried to put on a brave face, when I was dying inside.

Looking back, I'm sure I was a little too chipper and spoke in a sing song way, which I'm sure freaked the kiddos out.

I am so NOT the chipper type.

They were onto me...

We drove to school, my stomach lurched.

Thankfully it was a short drive.

As we got closer, she seemed to get more and more quiet.

Gulp.

As we got out of the car and walked to school, she seemed excited...good sign, right?

"Big girl!" I thought. (Sad mommy....)

As we got closer and she saw all the bigger kids (really- why do they let those animals near the BABIES????)

(Yes, my sweet son is one of those "animals" but at least I know THAT one.)

She started walking slower and slower.. (broke my heart)

I tried to shield her from the BIG BAD WORLD and immediately in that second decided I would indeed homeschool (did I mention tuition was paid in full???!)

The bell rang.

Dum, dum, duuuuuuum.

My son took off (no kiss, no goodbye, nothing). Typical.

I walked up to the sign in area.

Some other child was screaming her head off. I felt for that mama, but really- every woman for himself people!! I knew that kid could set my daughter off at any second.

It would be like the domino effect.

But..she didn't cry.

If she was rattled, she didn't show it. (Brave little one!)

The time came for her to go in, and I thought I'd get out unscathed.

She turned, hugged my legs, and said:

"I want you to come with me mama."

Knife in the heart.

Bullet to the chest.

I said all cheery like:

"Oh, (ha ha ha) but I'll be back to pick you up!" (How lame is that??!)

I'm no good on my feet.

And at that moment her teacher kneeled down to hug her.

She walked in, dwarfed by her hello kitty backpack, and never looked back.

Another bullet fired.

Later when I look back, it struck me that she didn't say "I want to go home" as others did.

Instead, she wanted to go, but wanted me there WITH her on that new journey.

(She DOES still love her mama!)

At that point I knew she was ready, which, as much as it hurt, made it better about our decision to send her.

I still think 3 is waaaaaay too young to go to school, but really I think I would feel that way at ANY age, ya know?

---A month in---

She is doing great! No crying, although I do see some behavior changes that we are working through.

Now if you can believe it, the problem is -she loves her teacher a little TOO much!

On the weekend, (aka MY time with my baby!) she wants to go to school and see "Mrs. What's her face".

Huh. Didn't see that one coming...

Sigh-This parenting stuff is rough!