Blood, sweat and tears

Happy Mother's Day All!

This morning all the kiddos piled in the bed to wish me a "Happy Mother's Day" complete with cute cards and gifts. (Daddy done good)

My son's card from school said "Thank you mom for making me lunch you are the best mom in the world." Funny kid. Gotta love him for his low standards... I hope his teacher knows I DO feed the kid-check! (I mean there was that one time I got a note home for NOT giving him lunch but that was because the kid left it IN THE CAR but never bothered to say anything until lunch time that "he had no lunch". Nice one kid. For the record I got a not-a-very-nice note from the school office about how we need to feed them everyday....ya think?)

After our little lovefest of warm and fuzzy feelings/cuddles, I asked if I could take a picture of them, my littles. And then the crying started from my princess. She always cries. The crying? Is getting old...

Then rocket man started crying so we declared pictures-done.

I told my hubby that to the kids? Mother's Day lasted until all presents are opened. Then it is officially done and all bets are off.

I enjoyed the day (mostly). Mom's really don't get a day off but I can tell the kids tried very hard (when they were told through gritted teeth for the twentieth time that IT WAS MOTHER'S DAY!!!!) and the hubby did all that was humanly possible (even you're outnumbered by little humans) to help me relax.

Being a mom is hard. REALLY hard. Harder than I ever thought it would be. Sometimes, when I think about how HARD it is, it makes my brain hurt. But then I'm distracted by some "mom" duty to think about it too long, which is probably a good thing.

I LOVE my kids. I love them so much I want to EAT them. But then I couldn't enjoy them, plus it's cannibalistic-so I don't. I refrain from it daily. But they are cuddly, smell good (mostly), sweet, funny, wild, crazy, and well-they are my life.

Plus? They were a LOT of work to grow and sustain up to this point. Blood, sweat and TEARS baby! I'm sure as the years pass I won't be looking too hot because of how these kids have sucked the living heck out of me, but I do have to say having them was the best thing I've done with my life.

Wonder what my kid will put in his card next year? When he's realized by that point that if I don't feed he and his siblings-I could go to JAIL. So I kinda have to...???

** Now that I think of it, I wonder if the teacher "suggested" the lunch comment to give me credit when I DO feed him? Hmm....




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To Wean or Not to Wean.. that is the question

I am in the process of weaning rocket man. He is 15 months old. It's time.

The thing is - 15 months is usually my cut off time. The first two either weaned themselves, or I "led" them to wean.

Except this one. He is a different breed.

The kid LOVES it. Like, he is a booby addict. If he doesn't get his "fix" he starts tweaking out a bit.

The other day he started head butting me in my boob. Kept banging his head right up against it. And another time he tried to take A BITE of it through my shirt and bra. "Um...yeah."

For him-it's an "experience". It is like having a cold brewski, a way to relax and unwind.

Also-he hates milk. Cows milk. Once I started giving it to him, he looked at me like "You gotta be KIDDING me lady." I'm surprised he didn't just shake his fist at me and point at my chest instead.

I'm almost afraid to take it away from him. Like-will he get violent? Will I need someone to pull him off me? He is plenty aggressive as it is, WITH the booby-time in his life.

At first I was torn.."He's the last baby... he likes it so much.. it comforts him.. he needs me.."

But then I was like "Are you CRAZY? Freedom is right around the corner girlfriend!!!"

(And-the kid has got A LOT of teeth and lately it feels like he's chewing rather than sucking. I think he can sense the weaning process and I'm afraid he won't let go one day. He'll be the pit-bull of weaning and will lock his jaw up just to get his way.)

My hubby says "Cut him off", just like that. Easy for him to say. He doesn't stay home with the mafia king all day, chewing through HIS shirt to get to HIS nipple.

(A friend of a friend said once her son turned a year she told him "get off me" and that was that-Gotta love her.)

There is so much I want to do once I stop breastfeeding: Get my hair straightened (chemicals are toxic!) Get a Mammogram! (well- I don't want to, but need to), Be able to take Nyquil when I'm sick! Finally get rid of these boobies (I'm totally over it. They are getting in the way and make me feel Fat), burn these dang nursing bras! I HATE nursing bras. They are worn and sad and need to be put out of their misery! Maybe drop some of this baby weight! Get my energy back (soooooo tired all the time, although I'm sure that has something to do with having THREE kids).

I swear there's more to the list but at the moment I feel like I'll be breastfeeding him FOREVER, so at this point, stopping is right up there with say.. riding a unicorn one day.

Somehow I can see this going on for a L-o-n-g time....When he doesn't make the team at school, when he's had a rough day on finals, when he needs a little "pick me up".

I'm down to one feeding at night, but it might as well be five because we all know that is the sacred one. YOU DON"T MESS with the "night-time-right-before-bed-feeding". Tonight I tried it out and he just looked at me like "Hey. HEy. HEY. You better not be doing this to me NOW lady. I got molars coming in, I'm working day and night on learning how to climb, I took three really big craps today...."

Plus- I was so full tonight, that I needed him to relieve me. Unless that kid is sneaking into bed with me when I'm asleep for a "snacky snack" then I don't see how that is possible. I stopped one feeding at a time to avoid discomfort but today I felt like Pam Anderson (after enhancement/before reduction/back to enhancement.. you get my drift) and I woulda PAID the kid to nurse.

So I guess check back with me in a month or so--already got my hair appointment scheduled so I can't wimp out. I really, really need to get it done. My hair changes after every kid and this last time? Afro circus baby, with pubic hair-like texture. Yay for me!!!!

P.s. For the record? In my opinion---boys are a lot harder to wean then girls. My daughter was in and out, botta bing botta boom and she's done. The other two? They've got some like, "attachment" to it......I hope this doesn't mean they'll be "booby men".

P.p.s. I know many women who go on to breastfeed until their kids are 2, 3 or even 4. More power to you ladies! But me? I'm tired, my boobs are tired, thank you for the experience, I'm good-thanks, and I am D-O-N-E.


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Control Issues

So today I took ALL three kiddos to the doc. For the two boys it was physicals. For my baby girl it was to check on her cough she's had on and off for the last...ever?

We talked about discipline with my oldest. Apparently I had somewhat of a clue, but not completely. I was being too much of an..."iron fist" let's say. Or, "helicopter mom" which I personally was pretty darn proud of!

Once upon a time, a long time ago, I only had one baby. He was a late talker. He was shy, very shy. He was very clingy and only wanted me. When we went out or on playdates, he wanted nothing to do with others. He would constantly be the victim because well, he never spoke, never stood up for himself.

It was MY job to protect him. Maybe a bit too much. I was his mommy, his friend, his "everything". Isn't that what we SHOULD be?

Well, fast forward a few years...say 8? I am still THAT mom, but he is NOT that little boy anymore.

He talks ALL the time. Maybe TOO much? He gets in trouble at school for talking too much, playing with his friends when he should be listening to his teacher. Sigh...

But I guess I should be happy, right? Instead of getting on his case, "helicoptering" around him, hovering, constantly. I should let go of my "hold" on him. Let him experience the world a bit for himself.

Apparently I have "control" issues. Tell me something I didn't know why don't you...?

I guess I'm worried that once I give up the control, I may lose the reins and never get it back? Or-I'm just stuck in a rut and it's hard to change?

There are sooooo many issues with this and I guess I need to change my parenting approach a bit?

Apparently YELLING is not helpful. Nor is NAGGING.

But show me a mom who doesn't?

I guess nothing ever really does stay the same.

Did I mention: I HATE change.

(P.s This was a FUN (read:not) day. All the while of trying to have the doctor examine/discuss things with me (with 3 kids- I got confused a few times as to who the heck we were talking about ) rocket man was all over the place in my arms. I think at one point he was sitting on my head. Really, the kid should be called octoboy. I swear he has more arms/legs than any baby should...)


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"Oh.....I W-O-R-K"

So recently (yesterday) I asked several "friends" for activities for my very active (read- aggressive) almost 15 month old on facebook of all places. I know, I know...I'm on there way too much lately. Boredom I guess.

I got several responses. One of which included "Since you don't work, you can do a, b, or c".

You could hear a pin drop in that cyber world.

"Um..yeah."

What I did want to say was "Hey girlfriend. I DO WORK. Every dang day, even when I'm off, in fact, there is no OFF time for me. I don't get paid, I rarely feel like I've completed a 'job' and I don't get to eat or pee in peace."

And, I know for a fact that she herself has never been a stay at home mom because we stay at home moms stick together and would never NEVER say such a thing.

We KNOW what we go through every day. (Shudder)

Also, I know that when she would be on "vacation" (paid- can you imagine?) and after just a few days, she would complain how she couldn't WAIT to go back to work. Huh, one can only dream....

(And I totally know that thanks to facebook and all her posts! It does have it's pros)

SO, that being said, I was "offended" lets say (that's code for 'pissed'). I can't quite shake what she said. She thinks my life is all bon bons and soap operas all day (I actually prefer godiva truffles when I can afford them, and soap operas bore me. I'd much rather watch Mob Wives).

I know she doesn't envy me-she's said before that she could never stay home. And you know what? I know many many mamas who would never ever want to stay at home, who much prefer to work outside the home for sanity's sake. And- I so GET that.

But-really? Why the need to "judge" me as if my job is all roses (it's so not!).

Do I judge her for working? NO! Totally envious of her most days. Ahh, to eat and pee in peace? To NOT have a toddler scream at you for the fifteenth time that day? To be able to converse with only adults? Who you don't have to wipe their asses or get peed on by them?

SIGN.ME.UP.

Although...it has crossed my mind that maybe, just maybe, she meant nothing at all by it?

And then I feel like a paranoid crazy lunatic who maybe could use a nap.


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WILD man

So in recent events (when I've actually had time to look up and notice), rocket man is...umm...enthusiastic let's say?

At first it was one thing at a time.

"Oh look! He's screaming! He's learning his voice!" (Looking back, he came out screaming. Not crying. S-c-r-e-a-m-i-n-g.

"Uh uh, we DON'T hit!!!" (He must have been frustrated!)

"We DON'T BITE!" (Poor guy must be hungry?)

"We DON'T THROW toys at our sister's head!!!! (What a strong arm!)

Then we kind of saw a "trend", and here we are.

To put it kindly, he is VERY different from his sister and brother. In ALL forms possible.

Looking back, THEY were much more quiet....and mellow. If I was comparing them to colors they were pastels- blues/greens, maybe some yellows and pinks? Rocket man- red and black with shooting neons all zig zag crazy-like.

Good grief.

But, he is very very cute. The kid can work it when he knows he's in trouble.
He can flash you a grin like his life depended on it.

Did I mention he has dimples? Dimple(s)- plural. Gets me every time.

His head has all these wonderful curls I can't bear to cut off yet. Sooo adorable!

He laughs with his whole chubby-body goodness. Like a "kid" laugh. Not a baby one. A KID one.

When he needs a hug he will walk up to you and lean his head on your chest. (Swoon!)

He makes you feel like you are the only one that matters in the world.

But.

When he is angry with you, you can't miss it, hence the screaming in his baby jibber jabber words. And waving his arms around. Like how you see the monkeys at the zoo-fighting, beating on their chests? Yup. That about sums it up.

Kid comes at you like a bulldozer. He WILL be heard.

He also turns to look at you when you're talking smack about him, did it even as a baby....."ooooooh, hey sweetie!" (Guilty)

Also-

He LOVES his trucks. He can spend a good 20 min just driving them back and forth, watching how they work. Kid is fascinated with them, never tires of it.

(DO NOT mess with the kids' trucks. Well, unless you want to unleash "the wrath" ..which his sister always seems to forget about.)

He LOVES to go to the store, for the most part. Until he's not happy, then it's time to BOOK IT and get the heck outta dodge.

The kid is HOT and COLD man.

Every day is an "adventure". A tiring one filled with highs and lows, and lots of kisses and um, screaming. My hubby said we should call him that. "The screamer." Out of earshot, of course.

Now I'm not suggesting that we are AT all "afraid" of the baby per se..

But-

I do know for sure that I'm glad he was last and not first. I understand as a seasoned mom-gotta keep me on my toes and on high alert I guess?

I just can't help thinking that there just might not have been a #2 and #3, just sayin'...

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NOT happening

I can't believe it. My baby girl is 4 today!

4! That's one year away from 5-official kid-dom.

I have mixed emotions, but mostly sad. She's growing up waaaaaay too fast!
Everything is "I do it! I want to do it MYSELF!"

Last night at dinner, she didn't want to hold my hand as we walked back to the table from the bathroom. Instead, she wanted to hold her "auntie's hand".

Already I'm pushed on the side. One day we will fight and she will scream at me that she "hates me". I just know it.

Lately I've been saying "Are you getting bigger? Are you growing when you're sleeping, when I'm not looking? You're not going to leave mama, right?"

(Poor kid- the pressure I know)

To which she replies "It's 'ok' to get bigger mama", while she pats me on the shoulder to console me.

SOB!!!

And you know what? She's totally right. It IS ok to get bigger.. I just kind of wanted her to stay small for ME. Such a smart girl I tell you...


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Funny and sad....

This morning and I was getting the kids off to school (such a blessing after a LOOOOOOOOOOOONG spring break-seriously- a break for who??) I was in a rush and on the verge of a panic attack.

My daughter was on the potty while I tried to hurry her along. She had her hand up her shirt, and was giggling. When I looked at her weird she said "When I touch my nene's (boobies) it tickles!!!"

I told her to stop, and hurry up and go potty.

Then she did it again. "We may have a problem..." I thought to myself.

Lately she is so obsessed with...parts.

Then she asked me "Boys have pee pees, and girls have flowers. Right mama?! Right??!" I swear lately she asks this of me once a day. Almost like "Just so we're C-L-E-A-R.....Boys have __________ and ..."

(I could just imagine the things she was sharing at school, or starting to notice for that matter in a house filled with 3 boys)

I'm gonna handle that issue as a parent with "Ignorance is bliss".

Just sayin'.

as for SAD things, while watching the movie "Up" my oldest son asked me "why do some people not have babies and some people have babies but don't WANT them?"

Whoa-deep.

So I thought a moment and told him the truth:

"The people that can't, their bodies won't let them and for the ones that have them and don't want them? They give them away."

"But w-h-y don't they want them?" as if he could not quite understand how this was possible.

Ok, a bit harsh but true right? I thought a bit harder about how to explain to him how the world works, unplanned/complicated pregnancies/situations and settled for:

"But", I told him, "we were lucky to have THREE babies! And? Those people that give those babies away, sometimes they don't have the money to take care of them, or they don't have help. So then the people that can't have babies adopt those babies."

"That's so sad" he said. I agreed. Very sad, very complicated, very hard indeed.

He still had a dark cloud over his face like as was taking it all in.

Oy vey! I think I did pretty good on my feet- truthful but not brutal. Not too botched up, right?!

(Note to self-always be prepared for IMPORTANT big kid questions, you never know when they will be sprung on you)

As for rocket man, he is screaming in his crib (as I type this) after trying to hit his brother AND sister, being a crabby crabcakes, and desperately needing a nap. He is talking constantly in his jibber jabberish way and I can just imagine the things THAT kid is saying to me...

Another day in mommy-dom I guess.



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